Dear PR Flack: 

Our cocktail-focused blog — with authors in New York,
LA, SF, and Wisconsin — doesn’t need to know what kind of wood
tables your client’s Chicago restaurant has.

xoxo,
- The Cocktailians

Dear PR Flack:

Given that the tagline of our blog is “The Continuing Adventures of a Couple of San Francisco Food Dorks”, what made you think we’d be interested in how The Lower East Side celebrates New York City Apple Day?

And, by the by, there’s no such thing as a “first annual” anything. The word you’re grasping for is “inaugural”.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

This is the second time I’ve received this pitch from you — there was no news value the first time, and just changing the font and adding a logo doesn’t make it any more newsworthy, in case you were wondering. At the very least, you could have spent your time strengthening the writing or building a stronger pitch with actual news value, but I’m sad to see that didn’t happen.

Take it from someone who has been doing public relations and media relations for the past 20 years and has owned her own successful public affairs firm since 2001, emails like this give the entire profession a bad name.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

Does my blog photo make me look like a co-ed who plays a lot of field hockey? Because I’m truly puzzled as to what else might have convinced you I’d promote your bizarre sports drink/college voter drive.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

No, I won’t give you free pictures from my Flickr stream to send out on a press release to trade mags.

xoxo,
- Sam

Dear PR Flack,

Nobody told you that recipes can’t be copyrighted? So you decided to bully a blogger who adapted your client’s recipe?

And then, when the mainstream media comes calling, you claim you never said all those nasty things?

How charming you are!

xoxo,
- All 347 of your client’s (former) subscribers

Dear PR Flack:

No, the readers of our local/sustainable food blog don’t want to enter the Merry Meatballs Holiday Recipe Contest featuring your client’s product — an alluring melange of feedlot meat and lab chemicals, mmm!

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

If we had “emailed each other briefly in the past” like you said, I would have told you my name is NOT Chez.

xoxo,
- Pim

Dear PR Flack:

“Party in your back pocket” is a very strange name for a food + wine pairing event

xoxo,
- Jen

Dear PR Flack:

Gosh, your client’s shindig sounds divine. I’d be delighted to attend!

Pardon? You weren’t actually inviting me? Oh, how deliciously witty you are, asking me to pimp out your little event without consideration. Do you work for free, too?

xoxo,
- Anita