Dear PR Flack:

Notice how I used “Dear” in my salutation, as opposed to “Hey”? That’s how professionals do it.

And, my name is Carol, not French Laundry at Home. You would have known that, had you taken 16 seconds to actually check out my blog before sending this email. You also would have learned that my blog is all about cooking every dish in The French Laundry Cookbook and writing about it.

In addition to the bad targeting and your obvious, and quite strange, love for ALL CAPS and exclamation points, your email is chock full of grammatical errors, run-on sentences, typos, and nothing newsworthy whatsoever, which makes me question your credibility as a public relations professional.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

Even if I were planning an Oktoberfest bash, I’d sooner serve tofu-pups to my carnivorous friends than your client’s CAFO torture snausage. Because nothing says “party” like industrial pork, no sirree.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

With a membership of 22,000, surely [your international scientific society] has the funds to invest in a proofreader or a qualified public affairs employee who could better represent your organization to the media.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

You think I’m the perfect choice to cook my way through the Anheuser-Busch cookbook and blog about it? Are you kidding me?

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

You have two different spellings of the movie “Mamma Mia!” in your subject line and the body of the email, and you didn’t even spell the word “gourmet” properly. On top of all that, there’s nothing at all newsworthy about the email you sent me, so I’m not even sure what the purpose of this email could have been. Oh wait — I do know. You needed to bill your client — an independent businesswoman who trusted you to know your stuff — for work, and this is the best you could come up with. Not cool. Not cool at all.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

Your recipe for kitty litter cake? DO NOT WANT!

If we occasionally publish disgusting things, we at least prefer them to be unintentional.

xoxo,
- Anita