Dear PR Flack:

Let me see if I have this straight:

1. At 12:19pm on a Saturday afternoon, you invited me to your client’s event.
2. I politely accepted — five minutes later — at 12:24pm.
3. You write back, three days later, to tell me that I didn’t make the cut because I didn’t reply fast enough (what!?) and because I’m not “credentialed media” (which, in fact, I am).

Please. This is not how professional PR works. It’s not even how a second-grader’s birthday party works. How do you think being uninvited — because you wanted someone cooler to come instead — disposes me to your client’s brand?

I can’t wait to run into your clients at Tales of the Cocktail… what an interesting story I’ll have!

Cheers,
~Anita

Dear PR Flack,

Starting a pitch with an easily debunked lie is probably not the best practice.

If you really had read our blog, you’d notice the following important tidbits that could have helped you craft a successful pitch, or — more appropriately — bypass us all together.

1. We don’t buy into to the idea of so-called “healthy” recipes that use fake foods like light cream cheese.
2. We don’t follow a low-fat diet, and anyone who does is probably not a “follower” of our site. Even the first page of the blog makes this abundantly clear. Cheesy, buttery risotto; spreadable spicy salami; braised short ribs; foie gras; chorizo paella — do those sound like low-fat choices to you?
3. We very clearly state on our About page: “We never use or recommend national brands when a locally made alternative exists.” And we’ve written about local [food items of this kind] on our site numerous times.

I’m sure [your agency] has some fabulous clients that we’d have been happy to hear about. But if your account reps can’t be troubled to undertake the most cursory research before sending out blanket emails, we can’t be bothered to read your spam.

Please take us off your agency’s contact list immediately.

~ Anita & Cameron

cc: agency’s regional director, client’s inside PR team