Dear PR Flack:

Do not call my cell EVER! Cellphones are for “Hi, Ms. G. Your car will be there at 6.”

xoxo,
- Nichelle

Dear PR Flack:

Thank you for the great laugh this morning.

You want me to pay you nearly two hundred dollars for the privilege of entering a blog-awards contest in its inaugural year with no proven track record or credibility? That’s hilarious!

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

That phone call we just had? Um, y’know, the one where you? asked me? the food blogger? to review your client’s organic spa line? And wouldn’t stop uptalking? And couldn’t figure out the name of my blog? And interrupted me?

Are you, like, fucking kidding me?

It took every last ounce of self-control I had not to hop a plane to Boston this afternoon and bitch-slap you myself.

xoxo,
- Carol

——

::: ring ::::

::: ring ::::

Me: Hello?

Male voice speaking very quickly, but also uptalking: Hi, this is [NAME said too quickly to catch it]? from [PR FIRM] in Boston? and we are calling to confirm? that this is Carol? from The French Review web site? and we were following up to see if you were interested in writing a story? on your Thomas Keller French Review blog? about our organic spa line?

Me: (pause) I think you may have the wrong number; would you mind repeating that?

Male voice: I was just wondering? if this is Carol? from the French Review blog site? and if she was interested? in writing a review about the organic spa line? we emailed about last night?

Me: I believe you have the wrong number.

Male: But, like you write the Thomas Keller French Review food blog? right?

Me: No. I write a blog called French Laundry at Home, in which I cook every recipe in The French Laundry Cookbook and write about it, and…

Male: (interrupting) Right, the French Review food blog.

Me: Did you just interrupt me? First you call with the most inane, non-targeted, uptalking request, and then you have the nerve to interrupt me when I’m trying to clarify something for you and perhaps help you along your merry way?

Male: (silence)

Me: Take me off your list. I have your firm’s name and number on my Caller ID, and if I ever get another call like this from you, I’ll contact the Better Business Bureau, PRSA, and the Boston Globe to let them know what a crap shop you’re running. Understand?

Male: But can I at least confirm that you write the French Review Thomas Keller food blog site?

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? No. No, I do not write that site.

Male: But then… um…

Me: Bye-bye now.

:::: Click ::::

Dear PR Flack:

What, exactly, were you trying to get across with the voicemail that began:
“Hi, we just wanted to reach out to you to touch base with you so we could connect with you…”

Um, does your firm give douchebag vocabulary lessons before they let you pick up the phone?

xoxo,
- The Tech Chick

Dear PR Flack:

This is the second time I’ve received this pitch from you — there was no news value the first time, and just changing the font and adding a logo doesn’t make it any more newsworthy, in case you were wondering. At the very least, you could have spent your time strengthening the writing or building a stronger pitch with actual news value, but I’m sad to see that didn’t happen.

Take it from someone who has been doing public relations and media relations for the past 20 years and has owned her own successful public affairs firm since 2001, emails like this give the entire profession a bad name.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

“Party in your back pocket” is a very strange name for a food + wine pairing event

xoxo,
- Jen

Dear PR Flack:

With a membership of 22,000, surely [your international scientific society] has the funds to invest in a proofreader or a qualified public affairs employee who could better represent your organization to the media.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

Your recipe for kitty litter cake? DO NOT WANT!

If we occasionally publish disgusting things, we at least prefer them to be unintentional.

xoxo,
- Anita