Dear PR Flack:

Let me see if I have this straight:

1. At 12:19pm on a Saturday afternoon, you invited me to your client’s event.
2. I politely accepted — five minutes later — at 12:24pm.
3. You write back, three days later, to tell me that I didn’t make the cut because I didn’t reply fast enough (what!?) and because I’m not “credentialed media” (which, in fact, I am).

Please. This is not how professional PR works. It’s not even how a second-grader’s birthday party works. How do you think being uninvited — because you wanted someone cooler to come instead — disposes me to your client’s brand?

I can’t wait to run into your clients at Tales of the Cocktail… what an interesting story I’ll have!

Cheers,
~Anita

Dear PR Flack:

I have asked you, politely — six times since April 2008, according to my Sent Mail folder — to remove our San Francisco-based blog from your list of Pittsburgh pitches. As recently as two days ago, you apologized and said it would never happen again.

Since you can’t or won’t target your pitches appropriately, I will be marking your (multiple) email domains, and those of all your clients, as spam.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

Do not call my cell EVER! Cellphones are for “Hi, Ms. G. Your car will be there at 6.”

xoxo,
- Nichelle

Dear PR Flack:

Don’t try to tell me how to manage my time so I can write about your client.

Also? Lose my e-mail address. kthxbai!

xoxo,
- Omar

Dear PR Flack:

When I send you an email asking you to stop calling me, the correct response is NOT to call me again.

xoxo,
- Anthony

Dear PR Flack:

I am not so stupid as to mistake “confirming receipt of news” for anything other than annoying nagging.

xoxo,
- Mike

Dear PR Flack:

Gosh, your client’s shindig sounds divine. I’d be delighted to attend!

Pardon? You weren’t actually inviting me? Oh, how deliciously witty you are, asking me to pimp out your little event without consideration. Do you work for free, too?

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

Notice how I used “Dear” in my salutation, as opposed to “Hey”? That’s how professionals do it.

And, my name is Carol, not French Laundry at Home. You would have known that, had you taken 16 seconds to actually check out my blog before sending this email. You also would have learned that my blog is all about cooking every dish in The French Laundry Cookbook and writing about it.

In addition to the bad targeting and your obvious, and quite strange, love for ALL CAPS and exclamation points, your email is chock full of grammatical errors, run-on sentences, typos, and nothing newsworthy whatsoever, which makes me question your credibility as a public relations professional.

xoxo,
- Carol