I’m not sure what about my blog about cooking my way through the Alinea Cookbook gave you the impression that your missive about “the most buzzed about Grill cleaning gadgets on the market” was an appropriate pitch to send me.

You may also want to consider having someone in the office proofread emails like this before they go out. The message you sent has quite a few typos and grammatical errors — things reporters and bloggers consider when determining a product’s credibility.

xoxo,
~ Carol

We’re insanely curious whether you’re actually affiliated with the brand you contacted us about — perhaps you’re an overzealous fan engaged in some sort of guerrilla campaign?

Your omigod Valley Girl syntax and loose grasp of proper style — why is “belvedere” lowercase but “Sake” capitalized? — make us wonder whether you’re legit, as does the fact that you’re contacting us from your personal Gmail account.

More head-scratchers: You claim to be “a really big fan” of our site, but don’t know our names. You claim the brand is based in San Francisco, when they’re not. And to top it all off, you’ve apparently confused us with someone who maintains a gluten-free product database. Really, you’ve outdone yourself here.

If you are indeed this company’s PR rep, you might want to reconsider this sort of unprofessional outreach. It certainly isn’t in line with the upscale branding we’re seeing elsewhere for their product.

xoxo,
- Anita & Cameron

Since I write a food and travel blog about Italy, I’m not really sure why you’d think I’d be in the market for your client’s cruise-related content.

I’m glad to know that — if the muse ever deserts me — you “have a team of writers available that can write articles”. For now, though, I think I’ve got that pretty well covered on my own, thanks. I’ll have to pass up the opportunity to work with your “team” this time.

xoxo,
- Sara

What, exactly, were you trying to get across with the voicemail that began:
“Hi, we just wanted to reach out to you to touch base with you so we could connect with you…”

Um, does your firm give douchebag vocabulary lessons before they let you pick up the phone?

xoxo,
- The Tech Chick

Given that the tagline of our blog is “The Continuing Adventures of a Couple of San Francisco Food Dorks”, what made you think we’d be interested in how The Lower East Side celebrates New York City Apple Day?

And, by the by, there’s no such thing as a “first annual” anything. The word you’re grasping for is “inaugural”.

xoxo,
- Anita

Notice how I used “Dear” in my salutation, as opposed to “Hey”? That’s how professionals do it.

And, my name is Carol, not French Laundry at Home. You would have known that, had you taken 16 seconds to actually check out my blog before sending this email. You also would have learned that my blog is all about cooking every dish in The French Laundry Cookbook and writing about it.

In addition to the bad targeting and your obvious, and quite strange, love for ALL CAPS and exclamation points, your email is chock full of grammatical errors, run-on sentences, typos, and nothing newsworthy whatsoever, which makes me question your credibility as a public relations professional.

xoxo,
- Carol