Dear PR Flack…

Dear PR Flack:

Do not call my cell EVER! Cellphones are for “Hi, Ms. G. Your car will be there at 6.”

xoxo,
- Nichelle

Dear PR Flack:

Please don’t pitch columnists (like me) on topics we write nothing about. It’s useless and just pisses us off.

xoxo,
- Hollis

Dear PR Flack:

Don’t try to tell me how to manage my time so I can write about your client.

Also? Lose my e-mail address. kthxbai!

xoxo,
- Omar

Dear PR Flack-Boss:

Before you came to work here, I never had to make bullshit PR events/releases out of lies and nothingness. Just so you know.

xoxo,
- superbadgirl

Dear PR Flack:

An embargo on hot story is OK with lead time to prepare, but handing to me at 5pm with an 8am expiration is pointless.

xoxo,
- Julio

Dear PR Flack:

Thank you for the great laugh this morning.

You want me to pay you nearly two hundred dollars for the privilege of entering a blog-awards contest in its inaugural year with no proven track record or credibility? That’s hilarious!

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

When I send you an email asking you to stop calling me, the correct response is NOT to call me again.

xoxo,
- Anthony

Dear PR Flack,

I’m speechless at the suggestion that you want us to run your “original” (read: promotional) content on our blog for free.

Please let me know if you find any bloggers gullible enough to take you up on that; I have some swampland in the Everglades that I’m trying to unload, so I’d love to have their digits.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

I am not so stupid as to mistake “confirming receipt of news” for anything other than annoying nagging.

xoxo,
- Mike

Dear PR Flack:

That phone call we just had? Um, y’know, the one where you? asked me? the food blogger? to review your client’s organic spa line? And wouldn’t stop uptalking? And couldn’t figure out the name of my blog? And interrupted me?

Are you, like, fucking kidding me?

It took every last ounce of self-control I had not to hop a plane to Boston this afternoon and bitch-slap you myself.

xoxo,
- Carol

——

::: ring ::::

::: ring ::::

Me: Hello?

Male voice speaking very quickly, but also uptalking: Hi, this is [NAME said too quickly to catch it]? from [PR FIRM] in Boston? and we are calling to confirm? that this is Carol? from The French Review web site? and we were following up to see if you were interested in writing a story? on your Thomas Keller French Review blog? about our organic spa line?

Me: (pause) I think you may have the wrong number; would you mind repeating that?

Male voice: I was just wondering? if this is Carol? from the French Review blog site? and if she was interested? in writing a review about the organic spa line? we emailed about last night?

Me: I believe you have the wrong number.

Male: But, like you write the Thomas Keller French Review food blog? right?

Me: No. I write a blog called French Laundry at Home, in which I cook every recipe in The French Laundry Cookbook and write about it, and…

Male: (interrupting) Right, the French Review food blog.

Me: Did you just interrupt me? First you call with the most inane, non-targeted, uptalking request, and then you have the nerve to interrupt me when I’m trying to clarify something for you and perhaps help you along your merry way?

Male: (silence)

Me: Take me off your list. I have your firm’s name and number on my Caller ID, and if I ever get another call like this from you, I’ll contact the Better Business Bureau, PRSA, and the Boston Globe to let them know what a crap shop you’re running. Understand?

Male: But can I at least confirm that you write the French Review Thomas Keller food blog site?

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? No. No, I do not write that site.

Male: But then… um…

Me: Bye-bye now.

:::: Click ::::