Dear PR Flack…

Dear PR Flack:

No, I won’t give you free pictures from my Flickr stream to send out on a press release to trade mags.

xoxo,
- Sam

Dear PR Flack,

Nobody told you that recipes can’t be copyrighted? So you decided to bully a blogger who adapted your client’s recipe?

And then, when the mainstream media comes calling, you claim you never said all those nasty things?

How charming you are!

xoxo,
- All 347 of your client’s (former) subscribers

Dear PR Flack:

No, the readers of our local/sustainable food blog don’t want to enter the Merry Meatballs Holiday Recipe Contest featuring your client’s product — an alluring melange of feedlot meat and lab chemicals, mmm!

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

If we had “emailed each other briefly in the past” like you said, I would have told you my name is NOT Chez.

xoxo,
- Pim

Dear PR Flack:

“Party in your back pocket” is a very strange name for a food + wine pairing event

xoxo,
- Jen

Dear PR Flack:

Gosh, your client’s shindig sounds divine. I’d be delighted to attend!

Pardon? You weren’t actually inviting me? Oh, how deliciously witty you are, asking me to pimp out your little event without consideration. Do you work for free, too?

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

Notice how I used “Dear” in my salutation, as opposed to “Hey”? That’s how professionals do it.

And, my name is Carol, not French Laundry at Home. You would have known that, had you taken 16 seconds to actually check out my blog before sending this email. You also would have learned that my blog is all about cooking every dish in The French Laundry Cookbook and writing about it.

In addition to the bad targeting and your obvious, and quite strange, love for ALL CAPS and exclamation points, your email is chock full of grammatical errors, run-on sentences, typos, and nothing newsworthy whatsoever, which makes me question your credibility as a public relations professional.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

Even if I were planning an Oktoberfest bash, I’d sooner serve tofu-pups to my carnivorous friends than your client’s CAFO torture snausage. Because nothing says “party” like industrial pork, no sirree.

xoxo,
- Anita

Dear PR Flack:

With a membership of 22,000, surely [your international scientific society] has the funds to invest in a proofreader or a qualified public affairs employee who could better represent your organization to the media.

xoxo,
- Carol

Dear PR Flack:

You think I’m the perfect choice to cook my way through the Anheuser-Busch cookbook and blog about it? Are you kidding me?

xoxo,
- Carol